Okie got back all my results and they ain't great
Only helps reinforce the belief dat i suck really badly at studies(and did i even spell reinforce correctly?)
Fail almost everything which is really sad becus i did some preparations for the tests
And the test i didnt prepare for pass and all the tests dat i did some work on failed..
Sometimes i know that the questions are simply a more tedious and challenging form of the basic theory and stuff
But my mind always either blank out when seeing a what looks like a tough and impossible question
Or i spend too much time reading the question thinking that there is some hidden trapdoor to lure unsuspecting students in
I really feel sad and helpless
So i tried doing the prelim papers
And really the working required is so tedious dat my mind locks up and i start making careless mistake
Calculus is the main culprit
Cant the examiners set something less tedious and actually grades u on the grasp on the topic
Den setting a super tedious question and capitalising on your 1 single mistake?
Its really sickening
Dats y i love arts better, it allows (nearly)free expression
And maybe dats y i love gp, history
Though u have to tink more but at least there are no cheap traps and tricks to get you
I feel liek a failure..
I cant do even half od the questions on maths paper..
I wonder how am i gng to do well for a lvls and even get into uni?
Its af if the world burden is on my shoulders
How am i gng to face my mum if i screw up everything..
She put like so much hope on me but i just cant deliver
Its just this sinking feeling i dun like
I wan to do something about it but every question dat i cant do
The more i get disenchanted
I dunnoe but the future really looks bleak to me
And den i have to go for National Diving unit vocational test
Just wow..I said on the form i cant swim i dun like the ocean
And i still got selected
Do those ppl actually looks at wad i want?
It just doesnt help
Diffusing mines underwater and spnding half of my time in water isnt what i desire
Man all the bad things have to come together dun they?

Well at least guitar farewell was great!
I got a cute little candy machine
Really a big thanks to the juniors even though i dun noe any of them=)
At least a smile to an otherwise miserable face

The clock is indeed ticking
Lets hope that this darkness is the darkest darkness for im all ready for the brightess dawn that comes after

Bennie out~~